Chaos is a regular presence at that train station. People passing back and forth, appearing to have no clear destination and bumping into one another. At that time of the morning, it is even more chaotic. Theresa enters the station running, like everyone else, looking at her phone and checking for new emails. She checked her inbox ten minutes ago, when she got into the car to head to the station. It is exactly the same: no new messages. Nobody would make such an important announcement by email, but she couldn’t stop hoping for it anyway. Still looking at her phone, she finds the platform where she should wait almost on autopilot, as she has been making this commute to work for two years, two months, and five days. Of course she counted them… She sits down at one end of the only empty bench (she was lucky to get it), sensing another person sitting down right after, at the other end.
Diana is relieved to get a seat. She was up all night, tossing and turning in bed with anxiety. When she finally fell asleep, she woke up shortly after, startled, thinking she hadn’t heard the alarm. There were seventeen minutes left. She couldn’t sleep anymore. So, she is tired. As soon as she sits down, she stretches her legs and stares at them without really paying attention to them. She is wearing a knee-length dress, showing her legs only from the knee down. She hasn’t shaved, but that is far from being a relevant item on her list of worries. Her mind is far away, right where she intends to go. What madness… She thinks. She never thought, during her 32 years, that she would do something like this. Through her peripheral vision, she observes a pair of restless legs, moving up and down anxiously. Out of curiosity, she looks to see who those legs belong to — legs that represent precisely how she feels at this moment. Perhaps with the intention of offering a sympathetic smile, to show the other person that she understood very well how they felt.
Diana’s eyes see a woman her age, in a matching beige blazer and executive skirt. Minimalist makeup on her face, although slightly outside her field of vision. The sound of the announcement for the next train makes Diana look at the board for a few moments, before realizing that the face looks familiar. With a quick movement of her head, she looks back at the person sitting beside her.
“Theresa?”
At the mention of her name, Theresa turns toward where the sound came from and finds Diana. Her eyebrows raise almost instantly, and her eyes widen slightly. For a second, nobody says anything, nobody moves. The rest of the station seems to slow down, and its characteristic sounds grow quieter. Or at least that’s what both of them feel, because there is no one else besides Diana and Theresa at that station at 7:24 a.m.
Theresa blinks several times, unable to believe what is in front of her. Or trying not to cry, she isn’t quite sure. “Diana,” she finally states. Diana, after the initial moment of shock, shows a small smile and stands up slightly to greet her. She reaches out an arm in the hope that Theresa will do the same. And, in fact, they hug. Hesitantly, a bit distant, lasting less than two seconds. They seem like two strangers, despite having lived through a lot together, for a long time. They look at each other, not knowing what to say next.
When Diana sits back down, she is closer. Her right leg lightly brushes against Theresa’s left leg. Despite the noticeable discomfort, neither moves.
Hesitantly, Diana begins, “How long has it been, Theresa? Five years?”
“Five years, three months, and…” Theresa hesitates too and turns her gaze toward the walkway, “Five years and three months, more or less.”
Diana nods, confirming the information. She knows perfectly well that Theresa counted every single day. Theresa has an incredible knack for numbers and dates. It was something she always admired about her. She never told her, though. “What have you been up to?”
Theresa drops her shoulders and relaxes a bit. This topic is much easier to talk about. She loves talking about her career progression, always trying to remain humble and not act superior to anyone. With a subtle smile, she talks about where she works and the fact that she expects to lead an important project at her company soon. Diana listens attentively, not daring to interrupt and ruin this moment. Her face lights up, genuinely, with joy for her friend. Acquaintance. Stranger. “And you?” Theresa finishes.
Diana tenses up. She never liked the conversation being about her. She never knows what to say, words often escape her. Especially when she was already nervous. And talking to people who were strangers to her. “I’m on my way to the airport.” She wanted to leave the conversation there, but felt the woman in front of her deserved more. “I’m going to France.”
Theresa showed her surprised face again, wide eyes and raised eyebrows. “To France?” Diana confirms with a simple nod. Theresa asks if she has a job waiting for her.
“No, I’m going to stay with Thomas for a while…” Diana glances at the horizon, as if waiting for the train to appear at that exact moment, to escape the awkward moment she knows will follow. When she looks back at Theresa, she notices that her face is set, her jaw tense, as if grinding her teeth quite hard. Theresa wanted to seem neutral, as if the mention of Thomas no longer affected her. The truth is, in recent years, that name had rarely crossed her mind. However, knowing they were still together, and that Diana would take such a big step to remain together, affected her in ways she didn’t even want to admit. Especially to Diana herself.
Still, they had been friends for years. Diana understood everything.
“I’m sorry, Theresa,” Diana begins. Seeing the confused and surprised face of the blonde woman before her, she continues almost without taking a breath between words: “For the argument we had back then. I wasn’t ready to talk… I didn’t show consideration, nor did I show interest in hearing your side. I didn’t want to… Well, first of all, I didn’t want to hurt you at all. I had no idea you were interested in Thomas at the time… you introduced us yourself, and…”
“I had told you I was liking him,” she interrupts. Theresa feels quite uncomfortable, especially now that the elephant in the room has been mentioned. “I introduced you precisely so you could meet the guy I had been talking to for two months…” Pain is mirrored in Theresa’s eyes, her eyebrows pressed closely together. Theresa had commented, time and time again, on the messages she exchanged with Thomas, the feelings that were starting to emerge, the future she was starting to envision in her head.
Diana tilts her head to the side, as if discovering new information, hidden from her after five years. “What do you mean?” She swallows hard, feeling tears welling up in her eyes.
“I met him at a party at my university. I was dancing and Thomas came up to me, started talking to me.” Theresa seems to recall this day as if it were yesterday, speaking slowly and with some hesitation present in her tone of voice. “We exchanged numbers. That night, you were the first person I texted to tell you about him.” Her face turns toward the ground. She doesn’t have the courage to look at Diana, not while unloading the emotions she felt back then. Diana remains quiet, trying to piece together the missing puzzle parts. “When I introduced you to each other, he never texted me again. I felt like something had been stolen from me, even though it wasn’t mine yet. Even worse, coming from you…” The hands resting on her lap were the object of her attention now. “When I tried to reach out to you to understand why you had done that to me… You did what you always did… You didn’t let me speak.” She finishes her speech and looks at Diana, whose eyes are watery and her mouth slightly open.
“Theresa… I thought you were condemning me for moving too fast with him…” Diana blinks too many times in an attempt to fight the tears that are threatening to fall. “I had no idea… I didn’t put two and two together, for some reason…” Her words come out even faster than last time, with enormous desperation attached to them, so that she understands she was stupid and foolish and mindless and…, “I thought it was someone else… I… I’m sorry, I don’t know what to…” Covering her face with her hands, out of shame, she lets out a sharp sigh.
Theresa exhales deeply. She can’t quite understand how she could make this mistake back then. If she knew her as well as she thought, this wouldn’t have happened. But, seeing how distraught Diana was in front of her, Theresa grabs one of her wrists and pulls it down so Diana exposes her face again. “It’s okay.” Because it really was. Theresa had overcome the loss of the romantic relationship she was envisioning pretty fast, although the grief of the lost friendship was very hard to deal with.
Suddenly, Diana’s arms are around Theresa’s neck, to the surprise of both. Theresa takes a moment to react, leaving her hands hovering in the air for a few seconds. However, she ends up hugging back. Diana closes her eyes, feeling relief take over from the reciprocity. She tightens the hug a little more. Theresa rests her head on Diana’s shoulder, missing this affection and closeness with her. It had been too many years without this comfort.
Looking up at the arrivals board on the platform, Theresa notices her train is about to arrive. Seconds later, a voice announces just that. How is it possible, after so long without seeing each other, without talking, without clarifying existing misunderstandings and hurts, to have to leave each other so quickly?
Theresa steps back, standing up and adjusting her bag on her shoulder. Diana follows her, watching her expectantly. In that moment, Theresa glimpses her former friend as a different person. Her facial features are virtually identical, but inside everything has changed. She senses her to be more mature, with different goals from when they knew each other. She can admit her mistakes without placing the blame on others. Her eyes travel across her entire face, as if trying to memorize it. A faint smile fills her lips, recognizing the past as just that — the past. Now before her is a woman facing a new chapter, and she is happy for her.
At the same time, Diana studies Theresa in the same way. The silence that settled in that deafening station allowed Diana to reflect on the person in front of her too. Theresa remains the same, without a trace of aging having fallen upon her. With the same ambitions, about to lead an important project. The years were good to her. Despite the mistake that was made, she prevailed. As Diana always believed she would. Diana always admired her. Especially at this exact moment, looking deep into her eyes.
There they understood everything that was left unsaid. Everything was finally cleared up. No grudges, no misunderstandings. Their smiles declared as much. Smiles that reached eyes filled with tears. Of understanding and of happiness for one another.
The train finally stops in front of the bench where they sat. Its doors open with a noise that seems to pull them out of the trance. Theresa steps away to board the train, looking back one last time.
“Good luck!” Diana said.
“To you too,” Theresa replies, with a genuine smile, as the train doors close.
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